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Monthly Archives: August 2011
Stop running away from your destiny.
It is going to catch up with you sooner or later.
And like a snowball,
rolling down a hill,
The longer it rolls,
the bigger it gets.
And the bigger it gets,
the heavier it gets.
And the heavier it gets,
The more it hurts when it hits you.
The hurt may be mental, it may be emotional, and it may even be physical.
Most people wait for a crisis to make a change in their life, a change that they have known for years (sometimes even many years) needed to happen.
It’s painful to confront unlived dreams, ignored needs.
You may try to escape it.
When problems hit in your life, you think you can solve them with information. Oh, I just need to manage my stress better. Oh, I could get a job if only I had a better resume, better interview skills, or networked with the right people.
There is nothing wrong with managing stress or learning some job search skills.
These things are beneficial, at the right time, and in the right situation.
Your soul doesn’t work that way.
Your soul also doesn’t give a hoot about “we all have to make these compromises, gotta pay the mortgage”.
Yes, we must be practical as well as fanciful.
But if you are unhappy,
and you rationalize it: “well everybody else has to do it, the economy sucks, I am lucky to have a job at all”
…think of that snowball, growing while you sleep.
You may ignore it, but you know what it is.
Will you be able to handle it when it hits?
It may sound hard to believe, but circumstance, even crisis, will stop at nothing until you are on the right path.
If you are not using your gifts, the message starts as a whisper, then a murmur, then a mumble, then a statement, then a raised voice, then shouting, then screeching, then breakdown.
Whatever will get you to listen.
You might be reading this saying, “What ‘gifts’? I am just an average person.”
Exactly. That’s how tricky the obstacles are. You will tell yourself anything to avoid the conflict between where you are now and those unrealized dreams, even to believe that you do not possess these gifts.
But there’s good news.
Self-awareness will give you greater “job security” in the long run. Not only that, when the inevitable challenging times arise, it will allow you to handle them better.
And this isn’t just about your career.
It’s about your life.
And you can start now.
You start by telling the truth.
Courtesy of Bill Jensen….shedding some new light on this idea of “entitlement”.
Elaine Aron (in “The Undervalued Self”) writes about linking and ranking. Linking is making a connection with someone, includes empathy and care, and is and based on
equality. Ranking is about status, competitive, and not based on equality. You can see both of these dynamics happening in interactions between people. Her theory is that we are born prepared for a certain amount of ranking, but her definition of trauma (paraphrased) is when we expect linking from a person or a group, and instead experience ranking (social defeat), in a manner that is shocking to us.
Why is this important to career choice? Even the most “independent” people will do in life and career what gets them love, what allows them to feel connected to others. If a given life path risked social isolation by your family and friends, would you take that path?
So when you know you need a change, but feel that you risk isolation by making the change, you have a couple of choices. You can go the self-improvement route, try to make yourself strong enough to stand completely on your own. I allow for the theoretical possibility that it works for some people. However, there are many it doesn’t work for, and some even go deeper into multi-thousand-dollar personal growth courses only to realize (if they can even acknowledge this to themselves) they have little to show for it. The best I can say about self-improvement is that it can have some effect, but it’s maybe not worth the struggle, time, effort and money.
Alternately, while you are on your career change journey, you can find a supportive community who will value you for who you really are at all times (not just when you speak the leader’s lingo, or have a “positive attitude”.)
How about you? I would be interested to hear from people who feel they really did “improve themselves” via self-improvement.
The root of the word solution means “to loosen”. And yet, in North American culture when we talk about solutions to problems, we often talk about tightening! Get a grip, regain control, restore order….
“Losing one’s grip on reality” or “loss of control” is associated with mental illness or a stressful situation at minimum.
Lack of control can be disempowering (feeling helpless or stuck), or it can be liberating (one is relieved of the obligation to accomplish the impossible).
People talk a lot about “letting go” or surrender. Do you find this easy to do? Or does it bring up deep fears, like “if I let go of control, everything will fall apart”?